


Soul Seeker

by Coffeebreakcreations



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Doubt, Dreams, FC Bayern München, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Memories, Misunderstandings, Neuller - Freeform, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ambitions, first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2019-11-13 22:10:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffeebreakcreations/pseuds/Coffeebreakcreations
Summary: Thomas, I live in a paradox. I lied as I told you my truth, I hid from you as I sought you, and I feared you as I adored you. I've suffered in countless cycles of pain, doubt and antagonism. Let this be my radical action, my insurgence from this agony. I want to break free. So the the gods above, heed my call, I beg for courage.You shall know the whole story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After long consideration, procrastination and suffering I finally decided to open up a google doc and just, write stuff. Because, why not? So here it is, an idea a few months in the making. I welcome you to my first ever fanfic. Enjoy!

What could possibly go wrong in telling your best friend about your most ridiculous secret?

 

Maybe it was Manu’s way of delivery. Manu had been sweating bullets in worry and paranoia. When he asked Thomas out for coffee he was stumbling in his words, almost mumbling sentences in hesitation until Thomas himself had to make him take deep breaths, calm him down and let the words flow and he’ll just try to decode whatever enigma he vomits. This whole display just made Thomas intrigued and his anticipation grew in layers on the way to the cafe. At their table Manu was shaking again, getting all jittery and agitated.

 

Thomas reached out to his freezing cold arms. Thomas took a deep breath and started coaching Manu once more to calm down. But it wasn’t just for Manu, Thomas had built an intense anticipation to what Manu has to confess. To see the big guy rush towards him earlier stumbling, his face red and shy, his ocean blue eyes staring at him tense and bashful was a rather amusing sight. It was endearing to him to see Manu like that.

 

“Again manu, deep breaths.” he said. Letting go of his arm allowing it to relax in whatever placement felt natural to Manu.

 

“Take the time to calm down, and just think of what you want to say.”

 

“If you can’t explain it properly, it’s alright. Let’s just at least start somewhere.”

 

Manu lets out a heavy sigh. He opens his eyes and looks at Thomas. He smiles back at Manu, inviting him to just go ahead and confess when he is ready. This might be the last time he’ll see Thomas like this. Manu thinks. This was silly, maybe he never should’ve asked him out in the first place. This is a stupid idea. Everything might drastically change after this meeting. But there is no turning back. They are already here, this is already happening. He cannot take to endure more nights contemplating should haves, would haves and could haves. If this won’t happen now it will drown out his sanity and by then he might do even worse. This has to happen now.

 

Manu’s fists tighten and his shoulders go tense. The seconds drag by and he is consciously trying to command his brain to force every muscle of his mouth to move. His hands starts to tremble once more and his breath hasten but it hastens in rhythm with better more controlled paces than earlier. Time starts to feel sluggish and his heart beats louder. A swell of cold sensation runs from his spine up to his head. Courage builds up in Manu. Now. It has to happen now. Say it now.

 

“I can see souls.” he belts out.

 

His entire body wilts as every strength he summoned to keep him up releases. His arms feel loopy and spaghetti like as he cups his face, shielding himself from Thomas’s reaction. All that courage started boiling up in his body and the pressure bounces in every direction. His eyelid starts feeling heavy as he reaches really close to passing out. How he wish to just pass out this moment and wake up a few hours later. He begs for a quick exit, an undo button, a reset.

 

Manu peeks at Thomas in between his fingers as he tries to shield himself from embarrassment. Thomas is frowning and his head is tilted, confused as to what Manu just said. He sits there opposite of him silent, almost begging for him to follow it up or retract the words. The entire look makes Manu regret this whole decision. He worries of what Thomas will think of him from now on. Will he think of him as a lunatic? A cult member? A conspiracy believer?

 

Of course Thomas being confused is one of the scenarios he expected to unfold. When Manu was playing these scenarios in his mind it was easy to put it aside and make it to be not big of a deal. Living that scenario however, is a different experience. He dreads proceeding through this day. He dreads the next words that will come out of Thomas’s lips.

 

He entered this conversation having prepared his mind, body and soul and all of that just got thrown out of the window as he sits there astonished for what's to come. His legs is locked stiff as he contemplates if his next move should be stand up and leave or remain sitting down and face the consequences of this.

 

Saying “I see souls” might even sound inconsequential to Thomas. It is after all a very silly thing to hear out loud. Thomas might even pass it off as a joke, a badly thought out prank to serve as a comeback to the many that he played to Manu. He really hopes Thomas would see it that way, chuckle a bit and Manu would just slide in a random topic, forget about the fact that this ever happened, move on with their lives, retire, grow old and die like normal people would.

 

But he is not normal.

 

How could he possibly relay an experience, an ordeal with the chances that he is the only person in the world that is going through it. How could he ever convince Thomas that he is telling the truth with a story that is out of this world. How could he ever make Thomas see what exactly he is seeing. This is his dilemma. He wanted to come to this situation but is unable to prepare himself properly for it.

 

How could he ever explain to Thomas that he can see souls?

 

Manu lowers his hands to face Thomas. He’s into this now and here is no turning back. Thomas clears his throat. Manu watches in anticipation as Thomas shakes his head, his eyes closed. Manu wonders what is Thomas thinking. He looks like he is collecting his thoughts, trying to think carefully what to say next. He watches the little twitches in Thomas’s lips, a sign he’s observed that Thomas is hesitating on what to say next. He does it too and might have even copied that mannerism from Thomas. Thomas stops, he gives out a huff, opens his eyes and says—

 

“So, like ghosts? Dead people? I’m sorry Manu, I don’t understand.”

 

Manu studies the way that Thomas responded. He isn’t chuckling and his eyebrows are in a frown but there is no annoyance in his tone. His tone sounded more of curiosity, genuine curiosity. Manu is relieved to know that there is a bit of a chance that Thomas doesn’t think that he is joking. He wants Thomas to understand that he is really telling the truth no matter how crazy this is. If Thomas is genuinely curious he only gets one chance to explain and convince him. He better not mess this up.

 

“No— not necessarily ghosts. I don’t see the dead, I see the living.”

 

Yep, I messed this up. He thinks. What he said however, no matter how vague it sounded, was the truth. He cannot see ghosts. He is not like what those fraud psychics claim that they are. He looks at Thomas and he is greeted by a more confusion. He feels frustrated at how impossible this is. It is not like he can practice this conversation to complete accuracy.

 

He groans and buries himself in his arms. He feels a warm touch to it afterwards. It is Thomas, reaching out to him. He looks up and he sees him smiling at him. Inviting him to fix himself, looking back at him with patience and willingness to listen to his crazy rambling.

 

Thomas lets out a small chuckle and says. “Okay from the top, just use the whatever words that pops in your head.” Thomas reaches for Manu’s hand. “Just say what comes on your mind and don’t worry about me judging you because I won’t.”

 

Manu looks at Thomas and takes a deep breath. He fixes himself in his seat and pauses for a moment. Of course, he won't. This is Thomas he is talking to. For all he know he might even have a much more crazier secret than this.

 

Being loud and talkative is something that people expect of Thomas. Well he is, but they don’t know that he can be a great listener as well. Manu has always confided secrets to him. Thomas knows all of his insecurities and fears. He has helped Manu go through it many times before.

 

It has been on the back of his mind for so long. In idle days he contemplates if telling Thomas is the right thing to do. All these years of keeping this peculiar ability to himself is slowly taking a toll on his thinking. All of the emotional strain that this has brought to him is the reason for his sudden breakdowns. Of course, Thomas has always been there to listen. However, this will be the first time Manu will be telling the complete story.

 

He thought that by knowing, Thomas might understand why. That this is the reason sometimes Manu seems to be able to read a person. That this is the reason why his mood is sometimes unpredictable and seems to take an abrupt turn. That this is the reason why there are days where he just wants to lay down lost and bitter.

 

He closes his eyes to a focus, meditating. He feels a subtle cool tingling sensation go over him. The moment he opens it, it is as if the whole coffee shop is painted white. He can make out the shapes of objects and the structure of the room but the colors are absent. He looks around at other tables and there it is. Their souls.

 

“I have two sense of sights. One is the normal eyesight, you know, what you see right now and the other comes in whenever I focus and meditate on it. It is somewhat of a switch really. When I switch it on, I lose every color except black and white.”

 

Manu’s eyes darts across the coffee shop towards a table where he last saw a haggard looking student buried in a pile of books. He observes the soul of the student. He is sees that the student is aggravated and stressed. He’s sure of it, not only because he knows that the student had an enormous amount of school works but also because he can see what people feels in their soul.

 

“A soul looks like a thick black smoke. It swirls around the shape of the owner.”

 

The movement of the student’s soul is turbulent, violent and fast like it’s crashing all over his body.

 

“But it’s more like a river, sometimes it flows peacefully and sometimes when a person is distressed its flow becomes fast and violent like the rapids.”

 

Manu switches back to his normal vision. He can’t stand to see the student be miserable like that. It hurts him to see the all of the aggravated souls around him, but what hurts most is that he knows that he can’t help them. He’d seen a lot over the years. He was a witness to all the pain and suffering of the people around him. He’d seen a lot of bright smiles cover a hurting soul. He’d grown to be paranoid of happiness and innocence. It hindered him from seeking deeper relationships.

 

He is ready to admit defeat. That’s all there is to it. He can only see the souls of the living. This is not like the movies where he can interact with dead people and summon them to do his bidding and he is very thankful for that. He just wants to live his life like a normal person in his place would. He knows that this is such an unusual thing to process but the silence is torture. Manu’s fingertips turn numb in anticipation. He begs for a god, if ever there really is, to just give him an ultimatum or just let the ground swallow him whole at this moment.

 

“What do you think?” Manu asks.

 

“I swear Manu if this is a prank.” Thomas said.

 

Manu is about to speak in protest but Thomas continues right away. “Okay I believe you.”

 

Manu blinks twice in disbelief and panics. He never expected Thomas to believe him right away. In fact, he prepared himself for a variety of reactions ranging from a hysterical laughter, a walkout or even a call to the cops but never to this conversation going smoothly. He still doesn’t get comfortable though, he knows that Thomas still has a lot of questions or maybe he is just saying that he believes Manu so that he can escape right away.

 

“What? Really?” Manu cannot find the words to respond to ‘Okay I believe you’ and hopes that he can work on whatever Thomas may answer.

 

“Yes, but…” Thomas emphasized the ‘but’ and paused for a moment. “The moment I get a suspicion of you trying to prank me Manu I will…” Thomas stops, closes his eyes and gives out a heavy sigh and continues “Since when did you have this ability and how?”

 

The source, unfortunately, Manu does not know. He’s not even sure if he even wants to know. This whole soul vision has already given him enough troubles throughout his life. He wakes up everyday hoping that the vision would go away. He does not wince at every time he hits his head but instead becomes hopeful that that hit is powerful enough that maybe just maybe that part of his brain responsible for this switches off permanently.

 

In some occasions this vision might present itself as a gift. That may be true in his adult life, but as a child was always a curse that turns his waking days as a living nightmare.

 

When it started it would snap wildly like a broken television. His sight would be normal for a while and then colors would start flickering from static to a broken image of what’s in front of him.

 

It would happen at random moments. It would happen during dinner with his family where he would have to feign a normal composure when deep inside, he’s freaking out. It would happen as he cross a street where his sudden crazed vision would disorient him and in many times almost get him into an accident. It would happen in the hallways of his school where the flashing images of people around turning into phantoms, ghosts or even demons. A terrifying sight to a child that would often send Manu into tears.

 

He had told his mother of this condition and had his eyes looked up. However, no matter how many professionals would asses him the results would always come back normal. To those who wanted to have a deeper look tried going through books, journals, studies and past reports but there has never been a recorded incident in medical history of his condition. It was a hopeless situation and as child it was terrifying.

 

He is afraid to go out fearing that he would turn blindness and the darkness that comes with it. He is afraid of playing with other children because they would look like monsters to him. He is afraid of losing all the colors and seeing in literal black and white. He misses the colors of the world a lot.

 

Soon he’d wake up seeing the silhouette of his room devoid of color and details. His mother would rush up to his room scared and worried for her screaming son. Until now he still cannot forget the memory of seeing her worried soul. Her silhouette spiking, violent and chaotic. Later in life he’d get used to it but he can never detach the childlike fear he felt that morning.

 

No one understood him when he says his vision is literally black and white. People would assume he meant that he was color blind. He can never make them understand that what he sees is as if the whole world is dipped in white paint devoid of color and life. Any explanation would be futile, frustrating and embarrassing.

 

He had observed that the chaotic spiking of people’s silhouettes were dependent of their current mood. He’d seen this happen when he approached other children seeing them slowly become wary of his presence, their peaceful images slowly becoming agitated at his approach. His peers thought he was crazy and was often bullied for it.

 

During his early adolescent years, he stayed up all night going through books of the paranormal and the occult.He moved on from science and reason since they were of no help to him. But even then, he would find no answers.

 

Eventually he would slowly learn how to control it. From then on he wasted no opportunities and picked himself up. He learned to appreciate life again and every little color the world has to offer. He would relish even the mundane everyday objects that others would just dismiss. He’d regain his interest in football and with this newfound purpose in his life he faced the future with resilience. He was determined to live an almost normal life. Almost— as his anxiety and all the stigma that was embedded in his brain as a child would be difficult to shake off, but determined he persisted.

 

Of course, he has told this story to Thomas before, but back then he had made ‘realistic’ substitutions to every questionable thing that this ability has brought onto him. Thomas sat opposite of him wide eyed, giving a blank stare to Manu.

 

As much as anyone would dismiss the story as unbelievable, he knows this exact look and tone of Manu. It is the same as when he would break down to tears in the nights when the pressure just feels too much and Thomas knew that Manu is not the type of person to deceive him like that.

 

“I’m— I’m sorry.” Thomas said. He looks down and with the sincerest apologetic voice he can muster, he continued “I’m sorry that I cannot say anything useful now but please trust me that I believe you and I want to help you go through… whatever this is.”

 

Manu reaches for his hands. Thomas looks at him and smiles. The two of them share a moment of silence. No words are exchanged but Manu is being thankful to Thomas. For the first time in his life someone understood him. For the first time he was able to tell his story without being laughed at, ridiculed or bullied.

 

Thomas breaks the silence, speaking with a faint voice. “Manu if I may, why me? Why did you choose to tell me?”

 

“Because you’re my best friend.” Manu replies, he is about to add more, leaving his mouth slightly open with words hanging by his throat. “And…” a cold sensation immediately rushes through Manu’s body. Thomas tilts his head and raises both his eyebrows as to say ‘go on, continue’.

 

“Thomas…” Manu hesitates in his words unable to form the proper sentence, no— the sentence is there he just isn’t sure if he wants to say it.

 

Thomas senses the tension in Manu. “Manu, please tell me.” He begs. Manu’s ears started to ring and the ringing just ascends until it reaches a crescendo. Manu closes his eyes. What’s the worse thing that can happen? He’s already heard the craziest story ever and he accepted it right away. Manu opens his mouth and lets the words fly out.

 

“Thomas, I can’t see your soul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did that go? I hope you enjoyed the chapter and will stay for the rest of the journey. More will come so sit back and leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it. I have more to learn and would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a rushed exit to that conversation. Thomas finds himself conflicted over the whole situation. What becomes of them now?

Thomas lays bed thinking about the day for so long that he can’t remember how much time has passed. He cannot sleep. Not with all the debates happening in his head. He raises his left arm, reaching for the ceiling and lets it flop to his side. He turns to that direction and shuts his eyes. A few moments later he blinks it open. Thomas groans in frustration as he sits up and cups his face.

 

“God, let me sleep.” Thomas begs. He reaches for his phone at the bedside table. As he unlocked it his eyes are scorched with the brightness of the screen. He hurries to turn it down. “Great now I’m even more awake.”

 

His eyes gravitate towards the unopened message notification.

 

“8:10 PM Hey, I just want to say thanks for hearing me out earlier.”

 

Thomas hovers his thumb on the bubble, contemplating to reply. After seeing that it is twenty-one minutes past two in the morning he just locks the phone and returns it. He sits there idle for a few moments rubbing his fingers on his bed sheets. He wonders if Manu is still awake. Thomas reaches for his phone but stops halfway opting not to disturb Manu in his rest.

 

He ponders if his exit had been proper. Right after Manu told him about his soul. He just wanted to go out and process all of this immediately. He didn’t want to disrespect Manu but at that point he just doesn’t know what to say. It is not everyday that you have that kind of conversation. When Manu asked him out to that coffee shop, the paranormal is the last of his expected topics. Thomas blushes. He actually thought that Manu would— “Heh, idiot.” Thomas huffs a laughter at the thought. “Keep dreaming, Thomas.”

 

Thomas sits up. “You can’t see my soul.” Thomas whispers to the emptiness of his bedroom. “What does that even mean?” God knows Thomas wants to believe Manu but this is too much of a story to believe. A second vision and souls. He is conflicted on how to deal with this. Part of him is familiar to that sincerity Manu displayed and knows that not only it is impossible to make him prove it, it is also cruel if it ever is real.

 

He also knows that Manu has never lied to him. But then, if this was true then Manu would’ve been lying about his stories the whole time. Ignorance is truly a bliss he muses, if Manu had not told him then Thomas wouldn’t be up this late pondering stupid questions. He crosses his arms, looks on the floor and sighs.

 

Of course it had been for a good reason. When the only alternative is telling your best friend about an extraordinary power is it not logical to make a few adjustments to the story? The thought troubles him but if he chooses to fully accept this, they are going to have to make a full review of their relationship.

 

Melancholy caresses his face. Manu is a good man. He knows that he might have good intentions. However, Thomas just cannot deny that he feels bad about the thought of Manu lying to him.

 

Confusion, frustration and exhaustion hits him all at once Thomas lets himself collapse back in bed, defeated.

 

Thomas tries to detach himself from these thoughts but ends up drifting to an old memory.

 

The ground illuminates to warm reds and yellows and fades to a cool greens and blues as fireworks share the stage with the stars in the night sky. The ‘booms’ of fireworks are accompanied with choruses of ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from amused spectators in the river side park.

 

Thomas and Manu had been sitting on a bench in incognito watching the fireworks display. Thomas doesn’t know what’s the occasion in the park but had asked Manu out anyway. It took a few tries but Manu eventually agreed to go with him. Thomas doesn’t regret it one bit as the man seems to be enjoying the show more than he expected. However Manu has been on his phone, taking photos of the display instead of just appreciating it as it is. Thomas disapproves at how Manu chooses to enjoy it but lets him anyway.

 

Thomas grins at the sight of Manu. It is endearing to see him, a big man, looking awed at fireworks like a little kid. He’s not sure which is brighter, the night sky or the twinkle in Manu’s eyes.

 

Manu giggles, as he swipes to his phone gallery. “Thomas you need to hear this.” He said.

 

“It’s Mark, remember?” Thomas replies giving him a mocking grin. Manu had been paranoid of the two of them hanging out in the open. He was worried of people spotting the two of them. Two famous football players, hanging out watching fireworks together like normal people. Oh what a scandal! He was all for dressing up in incognito but when Manu assigned each of them fake names and is actually considering disguises Thomas just lost it.

 

“Oh stop it, my worries were valid.” Manu said.

 

“I know, it was just funny how you wanted to deal with it.” Thomas said.

 

“Shush, hear this out. You know that I take screenshots of sweet things I read about you.”

 

“Yeah, what was that for again?”

 

“A reminder. And these fireworks, this moment. It reminded me of this and I just felt like it’s the perfect moment for you to hear this.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“This one says; Thomas Muller is an inspiration for me. There were things that I’ve never done before that I do now. I’ve discovered interests and passions. His steadfast attitude and resilient outlook is something that resonated with me and my friends. I wish more of our idols be the same.”

 

His heart flutters at the sweet message. When he began his career, Thomas thought little of the public image part of being a professional football player. It turns out, the gravity of maintaining a favorable image is just as heavy, sometimes even heavier, than physical strain you put onto yourself in training.

 

He used to resent the manufactured image that others would put out. He’d grown witness to the struggles of others just to put up a facade for the public. It looked tragic to deprive yourself of your own freedom to express.

 

It was the children that changed his opinions. They’d had reminded him of what was fading away — his youth. Not the wishful thinking of wanting to be a kid again, but the prospect of keeping faith, hope and compassion. He was reminded of how he wanted to be the best example for them, just as how he looked at his heroes when he was young.

 

However, in the back of his mind he can’t help but wonder how many scathing comments did Manu had to scroll through just to get that one positive tweet. The capacity of people to be vile still feels very unreal to Thomas. It is often the subject of internal debates he hosts in his mind.

 

He thinks back to those children. At what point do we turn from inspired little kids to miserable grown ups? What did the world ever do to our young selves to end up this way? Perhaps grimly, it might just be the natural state of humanity to turn against themselves.

 

No, that should never be. Thomas refuses to allow himself to fall into cynicism. He rejects this view. He’d promise to remain hopeful, grounded and confident for himself, for the children —

 

Thomas looks at the tall man smiling beside him.

 

— for Manu.

 

Thomas takes a moment to appreciate how Manu is. He looked surreal with the bright lights illuminating his face. He needed this, Thomas thought. To be invisible from the outside world every once in a while, thinking only of yourself, laughing at the silliest things without prying eyes speculating all kinds of horrible things.

 

He looked captivating to Thomas. It is Manu’s eyes he loved the most. Its jubilant blue spark rivals that of the fireworks. Oh how he wished he could keep Manu happy. To shield him from the outside world. To shield him from people. To shield him from pain.

 

He knows it is an impossible task so he vowed to relish moments like this. God knows what Thomas will do if only he had the power to create a perfect world for the two of them.

 

“How I wish.” Thomas whispers as he finally falls asleep.

 

A gust of cold breeze makes Thomas open his eyes. To his shock he finds himself in the tunnel leading to the pitch in the Allianz Arena. There is no sign of life anywhere, no footsteps, no distant chatter, and no cheering outside the tunnel. The place is quiet. Too quiet that he can hear his heart beating.

 

He steps out, curious to see what is going on outside only to find the whole stadium deserted. He continues walking to the center of the pitch. Thomas looks around. It must be night time. All the lights are on and the sky is dark. Thomas finds an oddity with the sky and he squints to focus on it. That can’t be, he thinks.

 

His eyes widen in horror to find that the sky is gone. The veil that covers the earth is missing revealing an endless void. He suddenly feels caged despite the stadium being enormous and the infinite vastness hanging above him. The place being familiar to him adds up to the eeriness of the whole situation. He feels home, but lost at the same time.

 

The sounds of soil crunching and grass brushing against his feet echoes louder in his ears. Every step makes him feel heavier up to the point that he is heaving his own body one step at a time. But he cannot stop walking, no matter how much he tries to resist. He concentrates his will commanding every inch of muscle to stop but it doesn’t.

 

One more step and a sharp blow to his chest throws him away. He lands on his back and all the air is knocked out of his lungs and a ringing in his ears blared out. Thomas feels suffocated and he claws his chest desperately. The ringing goes louder and the extremities of his body feels even more heavy. He cannot move his legs any longer. He screams his lungs out but the ringing drowns him out.

 

Then it stops. He takes a deep breath and stands up. He faces towards the tunnel and runs for it but as he do he hears the sounds of church bells. Banging once, twice, thrice. He doesn’t care, he wants to get out of this place.

 

And he runs as fast as he could until he hears the sounds of rubble and concrete crashing against each other. He looks back at the other end of the pitch and it cracks. The stadium crumbles around him revealing more of the void swallowing it. He darts towards the tunnel, trying to escape the void.

 

But all his running is futile. As he finds it swallowed by the void as well. Thomas falls in his knees in defeat. All that remains is the pitch. He stares at the vast emptiness around him in what feels like hours.

 

“This is not real.” He whispers, as tears fall down from his face.

 

“This is not real.” He says once more as he forces his weak knees to stand up.

 

“This is not real!” He screams to the void and in his despair he wails, pulling his hair trying to shake his head, desperately waking himself up.

 

“Wake me up, please.” He begs, but no one is there to hear him but himself, or so he thought.

 

He feels a presence. Thomas turns around hoping to find another person on what remains of the pitch but finds nothing but grass and more of the darkness. The presence feels stronger. “Who are you? Show yourself!” He demands.

 

A high pitched screeching booms from behind him accompanied by a strong force that pushes him away. He faces it, resisting the force. He struggles to remain standing as he covers his ears from the deafening sound. In the distance the void rips open and slowly from the shadows emerges a figure.

 

Slowly it reveals itself to be a arm of titanic proportions with sharp crooked fingers made of dull metal. It raises itself, towering over Thomas as he stares at it with fear, his whole body numbing over the sight of the colossal figure. It descends, clawing downwards to him. Thomas remains, unmoving, accepting of what's to come. It falls on him, swallowing Thomas into the darkness. And there he remains, with nothing to see, nothing to hear, and nothing to feel, not even his own body.

 

Then he hears the church bells ringing again. Once, twice, thrice and follows it , a chilling voice saying—

 

“It's time. Return now, child.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A flashback and a dream sequence, because I love torturing myself haha. It was a difficult chapter to write, I feel like I jumped too soon to those kind of things but I am happy of how it turned out. What do you think? Did it work? I would love to hear your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a month and a bit. Sorry for taking too long. I researched some stuffs to back up the plot that I came up with. At least this has something more solid as a backbone now, hahaha.
> 
> Shout out to @Ximena13 ! Who is with me in this mutual dragging back to work. Can't wait for your chapter update HAHAHA.
> 
> You guys should totally read her [Kunessi fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14273799/chapters/32922783) it is spectacular, one of the best out there.
> 
> Okay here we go! I hope this chapter delivers. ENJOY :D

Manu is getting more and more certain that he is going to regret finding this key. After all if his past self hid the key this good, there probably is a very good reason why he wanted it gone in the first place. However, by now he had already forgotten what even is contained in the box it unlocks.That uncertainty makes him fear it but he cannot stop now. He knows Thomas will be asking questions soon and he needs to prepare for it.

 

Manu stops from shuffling through boxes as a chilling sensation crawls in his chest. His fists clenched as he looks at it. It’s that wretched feeling again. He breathes a heavy sigh to try and shake it away but he can’t. He has to endure the temptation of leaving all of this behind. He has to remind himself why he cannot do that. Thomas is his friend, and has always been there for him since the very start. He grits his teeth in frustration. Why is he even thinking of leaving Thomas behind?

 

His shoulders slowly release tension and he open his palms as the terrible feeling start to subside. He returns to shuffling through dusty old boxes, tearing down the seals and going through its contents. Then another realization makes his head jolt upwards dropping the box. His eyes go wide, unblinking as he shifts his gaze around the closet.

 

‘Oh God’ he thinks. Thomas will see him as a liar if that happens and that is even worse. He can’t just leave Thomas hanging after he accepted his story so well. He gave him his trust. Even though Manu knows that there is a little bit of skepticism— a little bit? He questions himself. No, Manu knows there is a tonne of skepticism to Thomas right now. There should be, he’s just been told the most absurd story ever. There might be hundreds of question in store for him and he must be prepared to answer all of them. Even if he himself cannot answer most of his own questions.

 

He can’t just ask for Thomas’s trust and leave him hanging. That is stupid. He’ll be deliberately damaging their friendship. The thing that he avoids doing in the first place. But if he did not want risking their friendship maybe he should’ve not told him in the first place.

 

“Stop it Manu, you’ve been through this.” He thinks out loud.

 

It’s there now. Thomas already knows it and debating the past over and over will not do any of them good. He had already resolved to telling Thomas and it is useless trying to think of the ‘should’ve’ , ‘could’ve’ and would’ve’s. There is nothing else to do but to commit to this.

 

He wipes the sweat off his forehead but ends up smudging it across his face. He feels like he’d just dived in a pool of glue. He stands up and fixes himself and looks around the small room. It is a mess. There are boxes scattered everywhere with its contents spilled out. The older the boxes, the thicker the layer of dust that has settled on it. The dust is so thick that some boxes even held the exact pattern of Manu’s fingers when he took it out. Evident that this room hasn’t been disturbed in a very long time.

 

The messy sight stresses him out and now that he is aware of how damp he feels he gets even more irritated. He huffs in exasperation but ends up sneezing loudly. His eyes feel watery and a tear falls out of his left eye. He realizes that he has been rubbing it due to agitation making it very sore. He sneezes again and this time he can feel his nose getting more stuffed.

 

“Great, now I’ve got allergies.”

 

Manu gets even more annoyed at how parts of his shirt stick to his skin. He decides to take off his shirt. He feels the air touch his bare skin cooling it. He then proceeds to dry himself with his shirt wiping the mixture of grime in his arms and fingers. He wraps the shirt around the lower half of his face covering his nose and mouth. The mixture of sweat and dust smells musky but it’s better than him inhaling dust till he gets tuberculosis. Maybe he should’ve brought a mask with him in this room.

 

Before continuing the search he takes a moment to look around at the scattered boxes. The boxes are labeled by years. Inside are more boxes and dividers labeled with what memories are kept inside. These are not just a bunch of junk, these are pieces of his life. Manu becomes nostalgic and drops  interest on the key for a while deciding to have a little trip through his memories.

 

He takes one that is labeled ‘2011’. Seeing the year alone is enough to send him back eight years prior.

 

“Are you sure there is nothing else we can do to convince you?” says Horst Heldt, the sporting director of Schalke.

 

Manu had already made up his mind. No amount of convincing will make him turn back from his decision. He will no longer extend his contract. He wanted to play at the next level, to take a bigger step for his career. Not that he thinks bad of Schalke, this has been his home for over two decades and him leaving the club pains him so much. But he must do it, he must move forward even if it means garnering the spite of the people you regarded as family for so long.

 

“Think about the implications of this, it will be seen as you turning your back on the supporters, the people you called family for so long, the people that cheered with and for you. Look, I’m only concerned at how this will be received by everyone.”

 

Concern. Is that what this is about? Manu closes his eyes and wills that same old coldness that he feels in his eyes to manifest. He blinks back to a disheartening but not a surprising sight. There the sporting director sits opposite of him, his soul ravaging, disruptive, overwhelmed as its smoke like appearance implodes and explodes rapidly.

 

He’d seen this before, disappointment, frustration and resentment. It wears all the same faces, and hides it with all the same veils. This is not a new sight to Manu, he’d already trained himself to expect the same feedback everytime. He should’ve been used to this already with the amount of similar scenes that he’d grown to witness, you’d think that this is everything that humanity is capable of feeling.

 

At the end of the meeting Manu is barely holding his thoughts together. He’d left that meeting room, feeling defeated, tired of needing to explain himself over and over. He walks through empty corridors in slow, solemn and heavy steps. He desperately wanted to leave the building, drive away from the place and be alone with himself and to collect his thoughts.   

 

On the next turn he finds Benedikt Höwedes, his best friend for years, standing against the wall with his arms crossed. He jolts up, hurriedly straightening himself. Has he been waiting for Manu to pass by? Manu can’t be sure. He wasn’t sure what is between them and Benni for a while now. Ever since he told him about his plans to sign for Bayern the two became distant. Manu switches to his other vision and he sees his soul, black smoke slowly swirling, abruptly stopping, violently spiking then resuming to its slow flow. For so long Manu has suspected that this is representative of Benni’s resentment of him and if his suspicions was right, Manu can’t be sure either.

 

It is always easy to think about asking him, talking to him straight on but the truth is, no matter how much Manu has trained himself to witness these scenes, it still rips his heart to shreds to see it on the people he love.

 

There they stand, facing each other, waiting for someone to speak, practically begging to end the silence. There are so many things Manu wanted to tell Benni, many questions to ask him, but he couldn’t get himself to speak up.

 

“So is it done? Is it final?” Benni asked.

 

“Yes. I’ve made it clear to all of them.” Manu replied.

 

“So whats next?”

 

“I finish the season here, then I sign for Bayern. Then I’ll see what comes next.”

 

What does come next after this? Manu will be seen as traitor of his home club, and an intruder of its rival club. He knows that there’s already a fissure forming. He’ll need to brace himself from both sides.

 

Benni huffs. He looks down and smiles. Manu can see the strain in his face. He’s known this all too well, resignation, surrender and retreat. He feels a heavy pressure in his chest. He hated seeing him like this. Benni has always been a luminous person, you would think the man never gets angry. So seeing him like this feels a million times more painful to Manu.

 

“Well then, I suppose there’s nothing else I can do but hope for the best for you,” Benni pauses and just looks ahead, his eyes evading Manu. He proceeds to walk to the opposite of Manu’s direction and as he passes by him, he slows down before finishing his sentence,

 

“Captain.”

 

Then he walks away, fast, rushing to exit Manu’s presence. Manu stands there, astonished. He feels heat in his chest as his heart sinks to Benni’s words. His knees tremble as he slowly lose his will  to keep himself up. His eyes well up with tears and he fights to keep it. He is so close to letting go until he hears his own voice in his head.

 

“Go back, tell him.”

 

Manu turns and watches his best friend walk away from him. Every step that he takes that echoes in the corridor returns as a banging sound to Manu. Every step is a fracture growing bigger in their friendship. Every step is a seal of finality between the two of them. Manu doesn’t want it to end this way.

 

“Benni, I— “ He says faintly, his throat weak, hesitating.

 

“Louder. Just call him, yell his name, get his attention.” His voice in his head commands him.

 

“Don’t let him walk away like this. Talk to him, tell him how much you miss him, tell him how you don’t want it to end like this.” Manu’s fists clenched as he wills his mouth to move.

 

“Go on. You wimp! Do something. Shout, yell, scream, anything!” But Manu just watches him leave anyway.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, but there’s no one to hear it. An empty apology for nobody not even to himself, because he can never be forgiven anyway, not after the cowardice he displayed. At this point, he doesn’t care if the entirety of the football world would hate him. To hell with Schalke and Bayern. Nothing is more damning than seeing Benni walk away from him, believing that after all  those years Manu gave up on him. Of course he did not mean for it to be that way, but standing here static basically proved otherwise to Benni.

 

Manu blankly traces the number written in the box with his finger tips. Eight years, he thinks. They got together at some point but it is clearly evident there was no longer any traces of Benni’s light when he interacts with Manu. He can see it, both in the neutrality of his manner when they talk and the way his soul just halts and quits moving. So he just stops using his vision on Benni knowing that there is no point to it anymore. He doesn’t want to bring it up. He cannot risk them returning back to strangers again. He’d rather have him cold than nothing at all. Manu has let his coldness be his retribution. Looking back at it now, maybe that was a severe mistake.

 

His phone rings in the distance and Manu scrambles to go on and pick it up. He eases a little when he sees Thomas’s caller ID. He tries to fix the messy state of his appearance. He’d get a clean shirt on but there’s no time. If he doesn’t answer now then Thomas might think he’s ignoring him. So he answers anyway as his cheeks burn with anticipation.

 

When he finally sees Thomas, his already fractured heart completely shatters. Thomas looks pale, shivering as he stares at the distance, his eyes wide open. Manu could not speak, he doesn’t know what to say. Thomas realizes that Manu has already answered as he stares back at him. Manu opens his mouth as to speak but stops as Thomas stutters, “No, Manu, I’m sorry, I’m— “ and he hangs up.

 

Manu frowns in concern. He tries to call Thomas back but it fails every time. Thomas might’ve shut his phone down. Manu stands up, deciding to head out to Thomas. He looks at the direction of the ‘2011’ box dropped on the floor, among many scattered boxes. That key will have to wait longer in there somewhere. Manu thinks about the memory he just reminisced and speaks faintly, making a silent vow.

 

“Never again, not this time. I’ll be there for you Thomas.”

 

Thomas wakes up in a cold sweat. His vision is blurry as he scans the ceiling. His ears are in a constant feed of loud ringing. He tries to raise his arm but it feels heavy as if it is being held down and chained to his bed. Thomas then tries to kick the tangle of pillows and bed sheet away from his feet but his legs are unmoving as if it was glued to the mattress. He wrestles himself to move but every command he dispatches and every demand he dictates to every muscle of his body is disobeyed. His jaws are locked shut, his teeth grinding and pushing against each other as he tries to desperately yell for help.

 

Paranoia starts to creep in his mind. He feels a presence lurking around him. He moves his eye to the farthest his sight can reach, unable to tilt his head, to every corner of his room. It looks empty, but the presence is strong. Where could it be? Thomas thinks. The intruder is dodging his sight. Is it invisible? He looks up as he feels the strong presence staring down at him from the ceiling. Is it glaring in amusement, laughing in sadistic glee as it watches Thomas struggle to no avail? He feels gravity pulling him stronger as his entire body feels heavier, sinking into his bed.

 

His breathing hastens as his lungs collapses on itself. He summons all of his will to take control of his body, begging for it to respond. He screams in his mind as all kinds of prayers and profanity clog his thinking.

 

Everything slows to a still. A flood of senses quickly drowns him as Thomas’s body comes crashing back to himself. As every muscle of his body move at once, he pushes himself out of bed, screaming his lungs out. He falls on the floor on all fours with a loud thud. He feels the impact on both of his knees and palms. Pain anchors his mind, his senses and body back together.

 

He slowly crawl to a corner, sweating, trembling as he try to rid himself of all these horrible feelings that is swelling inside. He sits back on the wall, choking at the haste of his breathing trying to take in as much air as possible. He inhales and screams thrashing around trying to confirm if this is really the real world, that he is not stuck in another dream hellscape. He claws his scalp and pulls his hair then bangs his hand on the concrete wall.

 

“This is real. I’m alive.” He whispers between his heavy breathing.

 

He remains in that corner, his eyes wide open, surveying the entirety of his room. There is no one, there is nothing, Thomas convinces himself. Minutes pass by and his breathing returns to regular and the ringing fades. Slowly he stands up, his knees shaking, sore from being in an awkward position for too long. The impact of him landing on all fours still apparent, making sure it is felt.

 

He walks, one step at a time, out of his bedroom towards the sink of his bathroom. He turns on the faucet and splashes cold water on his face. He places his hands on the sink pushing against it. He looks at the mirror glaring, terrified.

 

A wet pale shivering face stares back at him, his face looking aghast and sickly. His hair is unkempt and messy from all the pulling he had done earlier, his eyes are bloodshot and sore, still flooding of tears. His lips are bleached and trembling, slightly open as he huffs air in and out of his body.

 

He rubs his face in an attempt of waking himself up and cups it in his palms. He breathes in to it repeating ‘Oh God’, feeling the warmth of his breath.

 

Slowly he shambles back to his bedroom. Sitting on the side of his bed, he looks for his phone at the bedside table. ‘Manu’ he thinks as he lays his eyes upon it. He reaches for his phone, his hand shaking and fumbling over the screen as he picks it up. He unlocks it and proceeds to dial Manu. He doesn’t answer right away. Thomas looks up, ignoring the screen.

 

He doesn’t know if there is any reason why he should be disturbing the tall man but he does it anyway. But what does he do when Manu answers? He’ll see him like this, a mess. Shivering, terrified, eyes wide open in horror. He doesn’t want to worry the man early in the morning, but when he looks back at the screen to cancel the dial but in his shock he finds Manu, having already answered the call,  staring back at him equally horrified in seeing him pale, shivering and scared.

 

Thomas tries to say something meaningful but nothing comes out. A flood of regret fills his body and drains him even further. Finally he stutters a few words.

 

“No, Manu, I’m sorry, I’m— “ and his fingers rush to to drop the call. His phone rings again but Thomas shuts his phone down and throws it on the other side of the bed.

 

He spends the next half hour sitting at his couch, his face buried in his hands as his phone just vibrates at the center table. Adding one more to the number of missed calls he’s gotten from Manu. He peeks at it contemplating if he should go grab it and answer the call. The last time he’s looked at it Manu had already tried to call him 25 times. The counter must be at past 60 at this point. So he as the ringing stops and the screen returns to his lockscreen he anticipates another call but instead a new notification bubble pops up. A text message. He picks it up expecting a long one, scolding him but he reads a shorter, much more alarming message.

 

“I’m on my way there. Please wait for me.”

 

Oh no, Thomas thinks. He looks around the living room and he breathes in relief when he finds that there is no mess. Oh stupid, he swears, when he remembers that it is not the room he should be worried about but the state of him. He rushes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth and tries to wash his face, as he looks into the mirror he groans weakly as he is still in a state of disarray, although some color has returned to his face he still looks very sickly.

 

His whole body jolts up when he hears his name being called. Manu has arrived. Thomas just stands there petrified in shock until he hears Manu calling out to him again, this time with a frantic voice. He races to the door to meet him. Thomas unlocks it and opens it for Manu.

 

The two stare at each other for a while. Thomas feels sorry for Manu having rushed to go to his apartment. He should have answered him when Manu called him back. He should have just continued with the call and not abruptly dropping it. He should have never called him in the first place. That chain of events obviously raised a tonne of questions for Manu or else he would not have rushed over.

 

Manu apologizes frantically for his sudden appearance. “Thomas I’m sorry if I came by in a very bad time I’m just wor— “

 

Thomas, in a rush of thought, accidentally interrupts Manu. “It’s alright Manu. I— “ Thomas pauses for a short while.

 

“What?”

 

“I would come rushing over you too, if I saw you like that. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

 

“Anything for you, Thomas.”

 

Manu smiles at him. Thomas tries to smile back but as he feels a little relieved he realizes that it’s the panic that has been holding him up and he wills himself to not collapse on Manu. This has just been a very rough morning for him, and adding to that is the fact that he dragged Manu in it. He doesn’t realize that he has been silent for a while, staring at Manu with droopy eyes.

 

“Anything alright?” Manu asks.  
  
Thomas shakes up, suddenly alert. His eyes scan for an excuse and weirdly enough he finds one. “Nothing it’s just. Your shirt Manu.”

 

Manu looks at his shirt and realizes that he has it on inside out. His eyes widen in shock as he mouths ‘yikes’.  
  
“Oh sorry.” Thomas apologizes, realizing he needs to let Manu in. He steps back and invites him inside. Manu thanks him as Thomas leads him to the living room. He stops and tells Thomas to go ahead as he takes off his shirt to fix it. Thomas, his name being called, turns to Manu and finds him topless. Quickly he turns away and rolls his eyes on himself. He feels silly on being shy about this, he had seen Manu many times in the dressing room, sometimes even more exposed than this, why should he be embarrassed right now? He enters the living room and he rests himself on his couch. Manu follows him afterwards.

 

“Sorry about that, just had quick shower before coming here as I was covered in dust.” Manu said, fixing himself on Thomas’s couch.  
  
“No, were you in the middle of something?” Thomas looks at him as guilt floods him again as it was evident that he dropped whatever he was in the middle of in order to get here as fast as possible. He observes that his hair still a little bit wet.

 

“Nothing important. Don’t worry. Thomas,” Manu pauses as he leans near him, observing his face, “you’re blushing.”

 

Thomas tenses in embarrassment as he holds his cheeks. His hands and the rest of his face is cold but his cheeks are warm. Warmer than normal. He makes an excuse, “The rest of my face are just, flushed out, pale.”

 

Manu moves closer to Thomas, and reaches for his hand. “And you are cold to the touch, what happened Thomas?”

 

Thomas looks down, thinking of an excuse. He wanted to tell him about the dream. How it felt real. The dry grass on the pitch, the freezing wind, the chilling endless void above. How it felt terrifying to be in a familiar place, where many of your most fond memories took place, turned into an infernal upside down world. To see it break down to ruins, hear it crashing against each other. It was horrible, every little detail. The titanic metal hand clawing towards him following with that dreadful voice.

 

It stresses Thomas just thinking about it and it probably is showing on his face because Manu is looking at him, equally worried. Thomas doesn’t want to burden Manu with more concerns.

 

“Nothing, just a bad dream. I watched horror last night. Korean, you know how well they do it.”

 

Manu doesn’t look convinced at all. “Thomas,” he says as he gently squeezes his hand, ”you were shivering and horrified.”

 

It’s because I woke up with no control over my body, Thomas thought. He felt helpless and paralyzed while fully awake in mind but dead for the entirety of his body. If he can barely understand it himself, how likely will he be able to explain it to Manu, “I was sick yesterday when I left you early, and like the moron that I am, forced myself to stay up late and finish the movie anyway.”

 

Manu raises one eyebrow and asks, “Is that really what happened?”

 

“Yes.” Thomas answers as he looks down apologetically.

 

Manu’s face relaxes a little, he pauses for a moment and asks again, “Is that why you left early?”

 

Thomas looks up at Manu and nods, he looks back down again, unable to look at Manu in the face. Manu doesn’t reply. He feels bad for lying to Manu, but he just is not ready to tell what really happened yet. He needed to time to process everything. To be honest, Thomas has not even completely processed what Manu confessed. What does he do with that information? What questions should he ask to Manu? Is it pressing on that topic even worth it? Dread fills Thomas’s thoughts. Manu doesn’t believe him, he fears. He braces himself for another question.

 

Manu lets go of his hand and moves even closer to Thomas. He slowly reach for the side of his face. Thomas looks at Manu the entire time. Concern is etched on his face, but this is not just concern, this is care. Thomas leans closer and allows him to be held. He closes his eyes as Manu’s warm hands reach him. He tries to absorb every bit of warmth the taller man offers.

 

Manu speaks slowly, softly, deeply, “You should’ve told me earlier yesterday, I could’ve — “

 

Thomas cups his hand over Manu’s on the side of his face. He takes it and wraps his hands over it as he leans in and rests his head on the taller man’s arm. “It’s alright, I’m sorry for ditching you yesterday.” Thomas said.

 

“Yeah well, it was a very crazy thing to confess.” Manu said. And they remain still in silence for a moment.

 

“Manu, do you get bad dreams about it?” Thomas asks, breaking up the silence. It feels strange asking him about his supposed special sight but he cannot deny that there is a doubt dancing around his head and his heart about the entire topic. Manu is right, it was a very crazy thing to confess. It would be crazier for him to believe it right away, but he knows that he cannot  ask for proof at the moment. Thomas doesn't even know what to look for. For now, he just relies on whatever fate has in store for them and hope that it doesn't destroy what they have.

 

“Sometimes, even nightmares.”

 

“How do you get over it?”

 

“I try to remember. . .”

 

Thomas looks up to him. Manu is just looking ahead, his face somber, reminiscing. He tries to imagine what’s going on with the taller man’s mind. The scenes he had come to witness, all that sorrow, all that misery. He presses himself more to Manu, making sure that he feels his presence.

 

“I try to remember that there are good memories, better memories, than what I dreamt about. It doesn’t erase the feeling entirely but it helps me ground myself back to earth. Dreams may seem real and feel real, but memories is what you are certain that truly happened.”

 

Manu looks at him, and smiles. He lets go of Thomas, “Hold on, I’ll just get something in the car.” And he runs off. Thomas looks ahead, wondering what it is that Manu brought over. A few minutes later, Manu arrives holding a small dusty old box, there is something written on the side of it.

 

“2011?” Thomas asks.

 

“I like to keep memories in case I forget them. Although I haven’t been able to visit these boxes lately seeing how dusty it is.” He turns away from Thomas and blows the dust away, coughing in the process.

 

“It’s a miracle you did not come here with asthma.” Thomas said as Manu sits closely beside him. Manu chuckles at that and takes one last look at the box, making sure it is dusted off before handing it to Thomas, “Here have a look.”

 

“2011, that’s the year you signed with Bayern.” Thomas said as he opens the box and finds old discolored photos over eight years ago. He takes one out and its of Manu, back when he was still at Schalke, with the entire squad, he was raising a gold cup, his feet raised on the signage that said “DFB-Pokalsieger 2011”

 

“Yes, it was a rough year. I tried to my best to exit the club on a good note but still. . . ” Manu said, solemnly.

 

“Everyone was hostile towards you, Schalke fans, Bayern fans. They made this stupid code of conduct that you have to follow.” Thomas said. Manu let out a small laugh. Now it might be a funny thought to think of today, but back then it must’ve been terrible for Manu. They wanted to restrict every little thing he does like going to the south stands and even kissing the bavarian crest. Ridiculous, all of it.

 

“Fips had to jump in and defend me from them a lot of times. I am always grateful for that.” Manu said, smiling fondly at the memory.

 

“Was it bad, you know, since you can see them?” Thomas asks, looking up to Manu.

 

Manu looks up, thinking, remembering, “Yes it was, just a sea of angry of souls at the entire stadium every single time,” he looks down at Thomas, smiling and continues, “but I managed.”

 

“How?” Thomas said putting down the box on his side. He leans closer to Manu and grabs his hand, wrapping his own over it and rests his head on his arm again. He wanted to say sorry for everything Manu had been through that year. Instead he communicates this apology by leaning closer to him, gently squeezing his hand.

 

Manu leans in as well, resting his head over Thomas’s.

 

“You were there for me through it all, the entire time.”

 

Thomas doesn’t reply, instead he chooses to cherish this moment. Embedding it to his brain, stamping it all over his memory. He absorbs every little detail, every feeling, every sensation that this moment gives. The warmth of Manu’s body with his own. The way their hands touch and their arms wraps each other that Thomas almost hugs it. This silent, still and serene moment they share. He wants to remember this for all of eternity, a memory to reminisce, to return to. Thomas reels in the tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Oh how how he desperately wish they can always be like this.

 

* * *

 

 

Thiago tries to harmonize himself with the tranquility of the church. He kneels down at the pew, closes his eyes, clamps his hands together and bows his head. His stays still and silent, praying and begging for a sign or a presence of a higher being. He blanks his mind trying to get rid of any intrusive thoughts zooming in and out. He breathes in rhythm, following the beating of his heart.

 

He desperately wish that he can set down this burden that troubles him but his heart just become heavier. It beats louder and louder and he loses focus. Frustration floods his emotions again. He sorely want to understand the spirituality that preachers speak of, that connection to the divine that self help authors write about in their books.

 

He’d come to the church after reading about consoling religion and fortifying your spirituality in a self help article. He had been going through a lot of advices. He tried meditation, picking up a new hobby, teaching himself a new skill, working out more, reading books, writing journals but all of it ended up unsuccessful. Consoling a religion was one advice he has avoided for so long. He was never a strong believer of God but after thinking it through, this might be worth a try. Who knows, it might just be the one that could uplift his troubled soul but unsurprisingly it ended up as failure, again.

 

He is settled in the farthest corner of the church, away from the very few people inside. He is dressed in incognito, with a modest effort to at least conceal his identity. He hides in the shadows, where the walls and pillars block the light from exposing him.

 

He opens his wary eyes and looks all the way from where he kneels up to the altar. There the cross of Jesus Christ hangs on the wall. It is illuminated with the light that passes through the stained glass windows behind the statue. The windows feature angels looking down with sorrow at the suffering of the Son of God as he sacrificed himself for mankind.

 

He sighs and bows his head once more, thinking to himself. Are there angels out there watching him as well? Do they pity him just as they pitied the Son of God? Do they see his suffering and his quest to rid himself of the agony? Or do they laugh at the futility of his actions? Knowing that he is doomed to feel strife for the remainder of his days.

 

He gravely begs for peace but remains willfully oblivious to the abundance of peace that surrounds him. There is peace in the way the birds chirp playfully, singing songs of their freedom, hopping from one branch to another with their companions. There is peace in the way the wind blows, passive and uncaring so much that no one notices its presence. There is peace in the music that the church walls make, gathering the echoes of the outside world and weaving it into an orchestral ambiance of nature. There is peace everywhere, but never in his heart.

 

He sits back, defeated and sighs in exasperation. He wonders why did he even think this will help him. He just wasted his time coming to the church. He could’ve used his time doing something better.

 

He redirects his attention to the other church goers. What could they be praying for? There is a disheveled woman on row nearest to the altar, her head bowed as low as it could. Has tragedy befall upon them? Thiago thinks that she may be praying for the well being of her family. On the other corner is a student still in his school uniform. Did he just finished taking major exams? Did he do well? He might be praying for favorable results.

 

A man in business clothing slowly approaches the altar with his grip on his briefcase so weak that it might just fall. He looks up at the altar, does the sign of the cross and retreats to the nearest pew. The man just rests the briefcase on the floor like he doesn’t want to see it anymore. It looks like he is crying from the way his shoulders tensed. Thiago feels bad for the man. Was he fired from his job? Did he incur debt? Or did his business go bankrupt? He might’ve come here to pray for the future of his family or beg for forgiveness from his employees.

 

Thiago watches all of them. It infuriates him that a petty heartache is what gets him this desperate while there are people like them in front of him.  People that have real problems that can trickle down to the lives of the people that depend on them keeping their lives together. People that they love. Thiago presses his hand on his chest as he his heart sinks. His eyes floods up with tears but he shuts them off, holding it back. He takes heavy breaths, almost sobbing.

 

“This will not break me now. Not when I’ve resolved to get over you. Not when I’m done with you.” He whispers to himself.

 

He’s had enough of this scene. Clearly this is not helping him. He stands up and heads for the exit. He walks slowly with his fists clenched, angry at himself and frustrated at his circumstance. Before passing through the central doors he stops at his tracks, turns around and takes one last look at the altar. His face softens at the hanged cross of Jesus Christ and the angels behind him and makes one last prayer.

 

“Save me, from myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Researching at Manu's early years at Bayern was an unexpected journey. I did not know that his move was received that badly by some fans of both schalke and bayern. So yeah, I hope I talked about the transfers the history of his move logically, well of course aside from that added drama by yours truly. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. As always, leave a comment if you liked it. See ya next time :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seventy plus days can you imagine? But it's here at last, and that's what matters. So, the cast is now assembled, Joshua and Leon enters the fray and I am ever so excited to finally move the pieces now that they are in place.
> 
> Thanks to [Ximena13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ximena13/pseuds/Ximena13)for bearing with my 3 am mess
> 
> So, with that, I hope you enjoy :D

A loud ringing knocks Leon into waking up. Still drowsy, he reaches for his alarm on the side of his desk but finds it dead so he puts it down and instead scrambles for his phone only to find it dead as well. He figures that the ringing must be from his laptop at the other side of his room. Leon runs his hand from his forehead to the back of his head, annoyed that this will wake him up completely. So he sits up, rubs his eyes, and glares at his laptop.

 

_‘Joshua Kimmich would like to FaceTime…’_ it says.

 

He groans and wonders why is Joshua calling him this early.

 

So he answers it and is greeted by the sight of Joshua’s kitchen, the man himself, nowhere to be seen. Leon can’t help but think about how long must he have waited for him to answer. He starts feeling guilty about it but brushes the feeling off, no one should be calling at this early.

 

He remains still, admiring Joshua’s kitchen. He finds it remarkable how orderly it is. There’s a row of knife drawers and each knife are arranged by size and function. His pans, stainless steel, non-stick and cast iron are all hung systematically on the wall. He has everything, a skillet, a sauce pan, saute pan, grilling pan and many more that Leon cannot recognize. He managed to recognize some of it due to watching cooking shows but to him, there is no difference. A pan is a pan for him.

 

In his cabinet are various spices and dried herbs lined in rows and at the back of them are flours and cooking oils. There are no boxes or plastic bottles visible as everything is repacked into a jar with systematized labels. The counter is spotless with no splatter and any unused tools or dirty dishes are all neatly stacked in the sink and even so looks like they aren't even used.

 

_Good lord, Kimmich is insane._ Leon thinks.

 

Something starts violently sizzling in the distance. He waited for him to come rushing in but a few moments later there is no Joshua running frantically to the stove. “Hey, your breakfast is burning.” Leon calls out. No answer. Leon suspects that the call might be muted on his side. He shrugs the thought off and calls out one more time. 

 

“Jo, your breakfast is burning.”

 

There’s a rummaging sound in the distance.

 

“Leon?” Kimmich shouts back. Leon groans, can he not smell or hear it burning?

 

“Kimmich something’s — “

 

“About time you answered — _Oh my God!_ ” 

 

Leon hears fast approaching steps getting louder and soon enough Joshua’s silhouette comes running past the camera like a ghost caught in a CCTV footage. Soon he hears the ticking of the knobs in the stove as Kimmich lowers the fire in the burner. “Hold on,” He shouts. 

 

_Sure, I’m not going anywhere_ , Leon thinks.

 

He rests his head on his arms with one eye looking at the laptop observing what Kimmich is up to. Leon sees his silhouette grab something from a cabinet. Kimmich puts it back and stares at the cabinet, weighing his options carefully.

 

“My goodness, it’s just a saucer take a pick.” Leon groans. Joshua answers by shushing him. Finally he takes a pick and disappears from view again. Shortly, he returns and grabs a chopping board, heads to his knife drawers. He withdraws one, shakes his head in disapproval, puts it back in. This repeats for three more knives prompting Leon to roll his eyes.

 

“Okay, last. This will just be quick.” Kimmich said as he proceeds to work with his knives. If Leon can forget for a bit that he’s having a video call with Kimmich it almost sounds like he’s watching a cooking show in the background. The slices are crisp as it goes through what Joshua is chopping hitting the board with a firm thud weaving a satisfying series of sounds as he chops in quick succession. He can almost imagine how precise and deliberate he must be working through his ingredients. He hears a scraping sound from the board and then follows a faint sizzle from the pan with a few more ticking in knob of the burner.

 

Kimmich comes into view. “Leon? Are you asleep again? Wake up.” he calls out.

“I’m not, you were just boring.” Leon answers.

“Did you just wake up? You weren’t answering my texts so I— .”

“Yeah, why are you even trying to reach me this early.” Leon interrogates.

Kimmich looks at him with disbelief. “You asked me to wake you up early last night.”

“I did?” Leon asks.

 

“Yeah, Why were you up so late?” Kimmich replies. Leon scratches his head trying to remember what kept him up. He looks at the opened apps in his laptop and sees the media player open. He maximizes the window and it displays an episode with the player stopped halfway. He must’ve paused and rested a bit before actually falling asleep. So he falls silent, thinking of what excuse to tell Joshua. He doesn’t want the other to know that he stayed up for that.

 

“You tried finishing that show didn’t you?” He guesses. Leon doesn’t answer right away which confirms the other’s suspicions. Kimmich makes a face of disapproval to Leon which prompts him to answer back. “Well, you were the one that told me to watch it.”

 

“I didn’t tell you to lose sleep over it. Don’t blame my impeccable taste in media to consume.” Joshua preaches back. Leon just rolls his eyes on Joshua and gives him a sly smile.

 

“Is your phone dead?” Joshua asks.

“I guess.” He answers back, “I can just use my laptop no biggie.”

“No I mean, charge it now. I need your charger later.”

“Has Nikki not replaced your adapter yet?”

 

Joshua gruffs and says “Not yet.” Niklas managed to get his adapter busted. He would’ve replaced it himself but the giant repeatedly insisted that he’ll be the one to instead.

 

Leon stands up to go collect his phone and his charger leaving Joshua to survey his room. “Your room is a mess.” He teases. Leon props up and looks around as well. He is almost tempted to comment back but he can’t help but agree with him. It is a little messy, yes, but not so much to call it neglected. It just needs a few tidying up that's all. He rushes in front his laptop. “I’m not saying anything about your room.” He shoots back.

 

Joshua feigns offence, putting his hand on his chest. “Excuse me? I’ll have you know that there is nothing to comment about my entire house except on how immaculate it looks.” He says.

 

“Too clean, it’s almost suspicious.” Leon teases putting his hand on his chin, playing detective. “Do you have a secret basement where you keep your murder tools?”

 

“No! Whatever, anyway I’ll be putting this thing in the oven. I’ll see you later.” Joshua said, putting the call on hold after. Leon almost comments but drops it as he sees the call on hold. He then proceeds to plug his phone to its charger. When it lights up he leaves it on his bedside table. Leon then goes on the far corner of his room and observes the entirety of it. He contemplates if he should go get ready or tidy up for a little while. In the end he gives in and tries to clear what little of the clutter is in his room.

 

After going around picking up his things and putting them to where they belong he then freshens up and takes the laptop to his kitchen. Just as he props it down he notices that the call is back on but Joshua is nowhere to be found. So he sits there staring at this spotless kitchen against his own. After a few contemplations, Leon grunts in annoyance and tries to put back anything that isn’t in their proper places.

 

Joshua returns to view with oven gloves on carrying a steaming red pan. “I can’t believe you baked just for your breakfast. What did you make?” He asks. Joshua switches to his phone’s front camera and reveals the pan’s contents to Leon. “Baked eggs in tomato sauce with fresh basil leaves.” Joshua declares. He shifts the camera to his left where there's sliced bread with a lemon beside it. “And sourdough bread toasted with olive oil.” He switches it back to his front camera with him smiling proudly for his craft. Leon rolls his eyes and laughs on how extra Joshua is. Joshua just raises an eyebrow at him. “And what will you be having for breakfast huh?” he asks. Leon just looks around, he wanted to say something fancy but decided not too, he’s too sleepy to worry about trying to match Joshua. So he gives in and just says. “Uh, oats.” and Joshua scoffs at him.

 

Leon just frowns.

 

It’s early morning in Saebener Strasse and as soon as Leon steps out to the pitch the cold morning breeze almost knocks him off to sleep.

 

“I’ll never stay up late again.” He whines onto Joshua, walking right beside him.

“Nope.” Joshua shoot back.

Leon glares back at him, slightly offended. “What do you mean nope?”

“No as in, you say that now but I know you’ll do it again anyway.” Joshua scolds him.

“I—” Leon protests, Kimmich gives him a look daring him to try and refute what he said.

 

Leon just sighs, because he knows he’s right, He has said this many times before ends up doing the same thing again. Kimmich once had a habit of policing Leon in his bedtime habits but he grew tired of trying to haul the other’s impulses. Which came as a relief to Leon that Joshua stopped being a preacher but he cannot deny how much of his habits has been reformed by him.

 

Leon looks at Joshua with a droopy face. He just shrugs at Leon as to say ‘I told you so.’

 

“Stop making that face and look alive.” Joshua said.

 

Leon rubs his eyes and yawns. “Give me a break, no one’s around to notice that I’m like this. Who told you that we need to arrive this early?”

 

Joshua pinches the bridge of his knows and grunts. “Take a guess.”

 

Leon sighs. “I did?”

 

Joshua rolls his eyes on Leon. If he gets a euro everytime Leon doesn’t fulfill what he declares he will do he’ll be rich enough for an early retirement.

 

The two stops and looks back as they hear footsteps running towards them. Leon’s face lights up as soon as he sees Serge. Joshua observes this and snorts. “Oh so now you look alive.” He teases. Leon just shoots him a dirty look. Behind him is Niklas looking not so alive, his face giving a droopy expression as he tries to catch up with the energetic Serge.

 

When the two caught up to Leon and Joshua, Niklas gravitates right away to Joshua, giving him a hug, resting the entirety of his being onto the smaller man.

 

“Nik,” Joshua yelps, “can’t breathe.”

The bigger man lets go. “Sorry I forgot to replace your charger.” He said.

“Again.” Joshua adds.

“Yeah, again, sorry.” Niklas replies, “I’ll try to get you a new one after training.”

Joshua looks at Niklas as to say ‘Really now?’ “You know what, why don't you just come with me to the mall, yeah?”

Niklas lights up, “Yeah sure, I’ll do that.” he says too enthusiastically as he picks the smaller man up and embraces him.

 

Leon and Serge looks at each other. They exchange nods which Joshua notices, his head peeking a little bit over Niklas’s shoulder. The two simultaneously gives him a thumbs up.

 

While the two have their little moment, Leon and Serge are gossiping about the two.

 

“Niklas is too excited for this little trip.” Leon said.

“Well, he is guilty that he busted Joshua’s charger.” Serge said, “Keeps ranting to me whenever he forgets buying him a new one.”

 

He turns to Leon and mimics the giant’s antics. “Oh no Serge I forgot to buy Josh a new charger again, he’ll be so mad at me.” he says in a mock deep voice. Leon chuckles at this and resists laughing louder. Serge fixes himself and scoffs at the bigger man. “He worries too much.” He remarks.

  
“Is he not aware that Joshua never gets mad at him, like, ever?” Leon asks.

“I don’t think so, Joshua always gets obscenely preachy to the two of us but never to him.” Serge comments.

 

At this point Joshua taps on the back of Niklas, seemingly being crushed over the bigger man’s strength. He puts down Joshua and the smaller man gasps in air, his face in a pale shade of red. Was he choking, or blushing?

 

Leon looks at Serge in silent agreement and then says’ “Bit unfair to be honest, that Nikki gets a pass and we don’t.”

Serge shrugs, “He doesn’t screw up as often as the two of us.”

“Unfortunately,” Leon said, “That is true.”

 

Serge agrees in silence. A few moments later he speaks up turning to Leon, changing the subject. “So what does Joshua currently use to charge his phone?”

 

“My charger, although since its form an older unit he doesn’t get a full charge.” Leon answers.   
“Huh, and even then his phone is still powerful enough to last him a day, mine would just die in three hours.” Serge said.

“I wonder what does he need this kind of phone? He picked the best in everything battery, processing power and camera,” Leon said.   
“Hm, I have a hunch, lately Joshua’s been asking me tips about — ” 

 

“And I heard a mention of my name, what are you two talking about?” Joshua intrudes, alerting Serge. He opens his mouth to say something, an excuse but his attempt is defeated by Leon quickly answering, “You.”

 

He looks at Leon, shocked and adds, “Your phone, specifically.”

Joshua eyes them suspiciously,  “And what about it?”

Serge answers, “We’re just talking about how good your phone is — “

“And what could be the reason you picked this kind of phone.”  Leon adds.

 

Serge rolls his eyes and internally prepares himself from another long rant from Joshua, but nothing comes out of him. He’d expected him to be annoyed but on the contrary, he looked sincere, shy. His frown melting into an embarrassed sulk . Confusion dawns over the two as they wonder what might have they said that upset Joshua. Serge looks at Leon signaling help. He looks back, equally alarmed of Joshua’s sudden mood change.

 

“Perhaps, I overdid it,” he said. Joshua pauses, looking down. He bites his lip and rubs the back of his head, running his hand over his hair. Finally he looks up to the two of them and says, “I want to try getting into, I mean you guys are so natural in this, so I thought, er, nevermind.” He waves a hand as to dismiss any pressing questions from the two.

 

Silence looms over the four with both Serge and Leon not knowing what to add and Joshua making a face typical of someone that begging to take back what they just said.

 

Finally Niklas speaks up looking at the distance, “Woah, What happened to Thomas?” The urgency in his voice prompts the three turn around to take a look.

 

“Look at those four, gossiping at this early in the day,” Thomas said followed with a sigh. Manu trails behind him, his arms in the ready, looking like he expects Thomas to collapse at any moment. 

 

“Are you sure you can attend today?” Manu asks. He had been relentless in trying to get him to skip the day and get some rest. However, Thomas had also been equally relentless in assuring him that he feels well enough to attend training.

 

“I feel fine, don’t worry, please,” Thomas answers, almost begging. Sure he feels alright but he doesn’t look alright to Manu. His skin still looked flushed out of color, and he might be able to stand now but earlier he had been slightly limping when they got out of his apartment.

 

In instinct Manu turns to his other vision in hopes that he can see something of Thomas this time. Alas, he sees nothing from Thomas, he can see the shape of his body but nothing of the black smoke like appearance of souls. It is white and featureless like everything around them. 

 

“Let me guess,” Thomas stops and faces Manu. “Look oh Thomas, even the others can notice that something’s wrong, please take this day off and rest,” Thomas said mimicking Manu. The taller man just sighs at him. Thomas pouts and looks up, thinking. He then slightly lowers his gaze just to meet Manu’s eyes.

 

“You’re looking at me like I’m about to die,” Thomas said.

“I’m looking at you like I just saw you pale and trembling a few hours ago,” Manu replies.   
“But that was a few hours ago. Look, you rushed to me, and saw to it that I’ll live. And look at me now, living. Again, I’ll be fine.”

 

He reaches to Manu’s hand, takes it and places it on his forehead, “Look, feel that, warm.”

 

Still, Manu doesn't budge. 

 

There’s no convincing Manu when he becomes like this. So Thomas concedes with a sigh, “Okay, I’ll try to take part in training, but the moment I feel any kind of pain, I’ll call it and take a rest. Does that sound good?”

 

He gets a strained smile in return, “Do you promise?”

 

Thomas takes Manu’s hand and places it onto his chest. “I promise,” Thomas then answers.

 

The two of them remain silent for a few moments until Thomas speaks up, “I sense four pairs of eyes staring at us.”

 

Manu looks over the four and finds them staring and again they look away pretending like they’re talking about a totally different subject.

 

“Are they talking about us?” Thomas asks with a sly smile.

“Maybe,” Manu absently answers seemingly distracted.

 

He then goes again to the direction of the four. The souls of Serge, Niklas and Leon looks normal however he gets concerned of Joshua’s looking like as if it is melting.

 

“What’s the matter?” Thomas asked.

“It’s Joshua, something looks wrong with him.”

 

Thomas looks over to the four. Sure the four seemed normal, even Joshua who is now back to bickering with Leon but he wonders what Manu can really see that makes him say this. He looks at the taller man now gazing at the direction of the four. What else can he know with this special sight of him?

 

A few hours later and the squad is split into two for a practice game. Manu had been quite weary at the start with him being out of focus. He’s been trying to divide his attention between his duties in the goal post and watching over Thomas. Fortunately, with the exception of a few slip ups from him, given that he really did woke up in a terrible way this morning, the rest of the game was going well. Thomas was going on his usual self in his wisdom in taking cues and making successful passes and has even taken shots at Manu. And the taller man could’ve almost conceded in some times if it weren’t for that quick rush of instinct that makes him ignore his every other concerns. He locks on to the ball zooming towards him with an intent of breaking his barriers and catches it anyway as he lunged the entirety of his very being to its direction.

 

In moments like these, time seems to slow down for Manu, looking onto his outstretched arm with the ball almost slipping through his fingers. All those years of experience and thousands of times saving and conceding goals ran through his head like a supercomputer working on an algorithm. He predicts like an astute academic and prays like a devout disciple for the laws of physics to rule in his favor. In the end he deems his positioning clumsy, still. That this kind of performance would’ve cost them a critical game.

 

But the odds graces him anyway, making the other team groan.

 

After kicking the ball back to his team, he takes all this replenished resolve and internalizes it. He takes one deep breath before all the worries wash away from his face. Thomas glances back at him as if sensing Manu’s change of psyche from a distant and he smiles at the display. Manu knows that as much as Thomas likes getting past him he wouldn’t want to see him waver down like this anyway. So with a confident smirk he positions himself ready, thinking—

 

This has only just begun.

 

Excitement surges through Thomas as well, oh how he exhilarating it is for him seeing Manu like this. It’s almost like a challenge, and Thomas likes challenges, especially if it’s Manu that’s making it.

 

“Oh it’s on Manu,” he whispers to himself while zipping past the other team snatching the ball away from Leon as soon as he saw an opening. 

 

Leon felt a wave of frustration swiftly run up to him but he can’t help but wonder how Thomas was able to be this energized given that he was just almost so close to passing out when he arrived earlier, but then a chill trembles his very soul as he hears Manu’s not angry, not disappointed, but his cold commanding scolding.

 

He shakes himself and scoffs at how the two has simultaneously changed gears, as if they are in sync.

 

Manu stands his ground carefully watching the other team’s passes, calculating, pulling from his archives of similar scenes that he could almost picture arrows pointing to possible paths that can be taken and the many angles and trajectories the ball can travel through. With every moment comes different factors to consider, different variables to measure and different parameters to quantify.

 

Thomas is now moving to intercept the ball, dashing towards it while the other team are in a good distance away, locking onto it with a tunnel vision. He can feel himself cutting through the air, splitting it as he goes through it giving his skin a cold stroke, a loud whoosh booming into his ear. His heart pounding almost yelling ‘yes, yes!’ as he inches closer and closer.

 

And then it happens, Thomas’s mind overrides with thoughts and overloads with senses caught off guard questioning why the feeling stopped. His mind knows that he should be dribbling the ball away, dodging attempts of the other team snatching it away from him and looking for a teammate to pass onto but somehow he reached a violent halt.

 

Then comes a sharp blow from his chest throwing him away, except he isn’t hitting the ground any time soon. He’s gliding through the air slowly, slow enough to give him time to look around, and there they are, in the middle of the game moving at a sluggish pace. He can see Leon’s curls gently bouncing as he takes a forward step. Joshua in the distance running to position, the torn grass waltzing in mid air as if flying through thick syrup. He can inspect even drops of sweat glistening through the sunlight, twinkling like stars in the night sky. Time slowed down for him. And soon enough he spots a peculiar sight in front of him, his own body, seen in third person view.

 

So there he is, in mid air, watching his body fall down slowly. “If my body is there,” he thinks as he raises his arms, “then what am I on—” His eyes widens onto a shock to see it transparent emitting a faint silver glow on the edges. He raises his arms further up so he can see his upper arm, then his sight arches down to his shoulders, his torso, his legs and his entire body to see all of it now ghastly transparent.

 

Then the world around him drains in color. There are no shadows, no hints of depth, nothing more than a stark white shell of everything. The scene reminds him of the behind the scenes of CGI films where colors and textures are yet to be added. It looks empty and unnatural, confusing his mind while trying to fill in colors of what should be but all of it just remains white.

 

“Aah!” He exclaims in terror as a sharp pain pokes in his eyes like needles and a wave emits from his center revealing a swirling black smoke on the bodies of the people it passes through.

 

“ _Further_ ,” a voice commands and Thomas did not even have the time to wonder where that came from as he finds himself screaming. His head feels like it’s being pressed onto again. The sharp pain poking his eyes once more as another wave slowly emits out from his body in a sphere. This time it stays up, its outer edges fluctuating seemingly attempting to grow bigger. Black smoke like displays appear from the bodies of the people caught inside of it, the others remain looking like white mannequin.

 

Every organ in his body is starting to protest. His heart is pounding faster every moment, his lungs are threatening to collapse on him, his head feels like it’s imploding. All he can think of now is begging for the pain to stop.

 

Then the sphere collapses, rushing inwards back to Thomas, sending him flying upwards. He remains levitating there for a few moments, inspecting the ground below, the entirety of the squad now looking like ants from where he looks. Still they move in a sluggish pace, still they continue the game as if nothing strange is happening, still his body remains falling down a few spaces at a time.

 

He feels a violent tug in his back and suddenly he falls crashing down back to his body. All his senses returns to him in a whiplash and him finally falling to ground is not helping his mind process everything. And the world resumes around him like nothing happened. He hears the familiar hollow thud as the ball gets taken away from him by someone he cannot recognize as he still feels dazed to be able to see clearly.

 

Yet he stands up anyway, surveying his surroundings. As his vision clears he is relieved to find all the colors had returned and he is back to his own body.

 

“Everything alright there Thomas?” Lewy asks as he jogs past him.

 

Thomas just nods at him then shakes himself awake while looking at Manu’s direction. He doesn’t look too concerned with his fall meaning it may not look as bad as it feels. Thomas finds this fortunate, he doesn’t want him to panic when he just got himself 100% focused in his performance. He checks on himself again, his head doesn’t feel like it’s hurting at all, and his breathing has returned to normal.

 

While he runs around finding an ideal position for support he asks himself, “What is happening to me?”

 

Thomas then slowly picks up pace and as he returns himself back to the game he still can’t get rid of the eerie feeling that the experience had left him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you came across this and the last update time has been so long don't worry I really want to tell this story and I will be updating this :) 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it. Let me know what you think I'd appreciate it a lot. :)  
> _  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/coffeebreakcreations)


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